Lessons in Logic...

Lessons in Logic:-

If your father is a poor man,it is your fate but,if your father-in-law is a poor man,it's your stupidity........................................................................ I was born intelligent -education ruined me.........................................................................Practice makes perfect.....But nobody's perfect......so why practice? ........................................................................If it's true that we are here to help others,then what exactly are the others here for?........................................................................ Since light travels faster than sound,people appear bright until you hear them speak.........................................................................How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? ........................................................................Money is not everything.There's Mastercard & Visa......................................................................... One should love animals.They are so tasty.........................................................................Behind every successful man, there is a womanAnd behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. ........................................................................Every man should marry.After all, happiness is not the only thing inlife......................................................................... The wise never marry.and when they marry they become otherwise.........................................................................Success is a relative term.It brings so many relatives. ........................................................................Never put off the work till tomorrowwhat you can put off today......................................................................... "Your future depends on your dreams"So go to sleep........................................................................There should be a better way to start a day Than waking up every morning........................................................................"Hard work never killed anybody"But why take the risk ........................................................................"Work fascinates me"I can look at it for hours........................................................................ God made relatives;Thank God we can choose our friends.........................................................................The more you learn, the more you know,The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you knowSo.. why learn.........................................................................A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station....what more can I say........

Tech Support_Wife 1.0......this is cool...... jus read it......

Dear Tech Support:-

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began with unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities such as: Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 and Golf 7.5
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please HELP!!
Thanks,

Dear Troubled User:-

This is a very, very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I also suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! It comes with several support programs, such as: Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs; improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend: Flowers 2.1, Hugs 4.3 and especially Diamonds 5.0
WARNING!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,

6th Sense......beat the stress out....just a quick joke....

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love andthat he is going to get married.He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you tryand guess which one I'm going to marry."The mother agrees.The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sitsthem down on the couch and they chat for a while.He then says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."She immediately replies, "The one on the right.""That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"The mother replies, "I don't like her."

could this be our future???????customer care in 2020

CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020:-

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........
on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan
Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your
mobile
is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from
the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how
much
will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total
is $49.9! 9"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is
over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,
Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a
Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're
also
diabetic....... "
Customer: "***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))"
Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987
you
were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: Faints...

Indian Hell:-

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there
is different hell for each country and decides he'll
pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
He goes to American hell and asks, "What do they do
here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair
for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for
another hour. Then the American devil comes in and
whips you for the rest of the day".
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he
moves on. He checks out the Australian hell as well as
the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they
are all similar to the American hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there
is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair
for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for
another hour. The Indian devil comes in and whips you
for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells
why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asked
the man.
"Because there is never any electricity so the
electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for
but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep
on. And the Indian devil used to be a civil servant,
so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back
home for private business."

Strange Human Facts...

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.The average human will eat an average of 8 spiders while sleeping.The average women consumes 6lbs of lipstick in her lifetime.On average, a 4-year-old child asks 437 questions a day.Only 7% of the population are lefties. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.A human brain weighs about 3lbs.1/4 of the bones in your body are in your feet.You blink over 10,000,000 times a year.When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop ... even your heart.If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza a day.If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.Koala and humans are the only animals with unique fingerprints.The scent of apples and/or bananas can help you lose weight.The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.Children grow faster in the spring.On average a human will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his or her lifetime A one-minute kiss burns 26 calories.

T h e B es t M o me nt s I n L if e.....

T h e B es t M o me nt s I n L if e......


1. Falling in love. 2. Laughing till your stomach hurts. 3. Enjoying a ride down the ocuntry side. 4. Listening to your favorite song on the radio. 5. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring outside. 6. Getting out of the shower and wrapping yourself with a warm, fuzzy towel. 7. Passing your final exams with good grades. 8. Being part of an interesting conversation. 9. Finding some money in some old pants. 10. Laughing at yourself. 11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends. 12. Laughing without a reason. 13. "Accidentally" hearing someone say somthing good about you. 14. Watching the sunset. 15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important person in your life. 16. Receiving or giving your first kiss. 17. Feeling this movement in your body when seeing this "special" someone. 18. Having a great time with your friends. 19. Seeing the one you love happy. 20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smelling his/her perfume. 21. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering great memories. 22. Hearing some telling you "I LOVE YOU" "True friends come in the good times when we tell them to, and come in the bad times.....without calling."

OH MY GOD!!!!!!! IT'S BREATH TAKING!